1. My profoundly ugly, gap-toothed grandmother
2. All you can eat candy aisle for people over eighty
3. Fifty ways to say motherfucker
4. Confessions of the sleazy, bemused car salesman
5. Cross-dressing for a blind date
6. The kind of asshole I really want to be
7. Wandering through Walmart
8. Fifteen things I do just to be an asshole
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