Screen name: DharmaMechanic
I’m a scammer. So says my wife. Fondly. Ten years ago, I wrote something for my profile on Match.com. No idea what I wrote. Know I told the truth. I’m sure I told a silly story. Once a week, when I drive her a little crazy, she demands that I tear apart my files to find the prose so she can prove I’m a fraud. Fondly.
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This essay is for the average person whose search for joy is not average
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Physically, I’m a large person. I look like a cross between a biker and a professional wrestler, but the rest of me is average. The dichotomy between my outside and my inside couldn’t be more stark. The guy that some women wanted because of how I look isn’t the guy I am — or want to be. My outside hides the gentle silliness that pervades my soul. Online profile pictures couldn’t capture the real me. My joy requires prose. My joy is not average.
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Going for the “no”
Among the most important secrets kept by salespeople is the concept of getting to a rejection quickly so one can move on quickly. The legend of the silver-tongued Svengali who will trick a buyer into doing something they don’t want to do is a myth. Most sales is a numbers game and, while there’s something to be said for charm, most people are astute buyers and, while looking for a significant other, you should run from the one’s that aren’t.
Being upfront, honest and humorous allows potential partners to quickly eliminate you — or embrace you — which is the absolute best thing that can happen.
Get rejected quickly or embraced energetically. Everything else is time wasted.
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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HONESTY AND TRUTH
Honesty exposes a little of one’s soul. It offers insight. Truth, on the other hand, is grounded in facts.
Honesty: In high school, I once brushed my dog’s teeth with my brother’s toothbrush after he put gum in my spaghetti. I told him as he was having his prom pictures taken.
The statement might be true — or at least grounded in some truth about oneself — and, even if it’s a story, it offers an honest glimpse into what makes one tick.
Truth: I’m 6’4”, have brown hair and weigh 260 lbs.
I suspect my Match.com profile said something about eventually wanting to own a burrito factory or throw a boomerang around the top of Eiffel tower.
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Honesty and truthfulness will save you time if you want a long term, high quality relationship. They do for dating what pesticides do for weeds.
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TRUTHS ABOUT THE DATING MARKETPLACE
> There really is a lid for every pot
As a partner, if you’re earnest, trustworthy and can listen, you can find love. All the other factors will take care of themselves if one is both honest and truthful.
To be sure, money matters — and don’t let a prospective partner tell you any different — but one doesn’t need to be a millionaire, just a reliable earner. Looks, not surprisingly, matter to most people and, while they contend that men are superficial, don’t be fooled. This boomerang lands at each genders’s feet. That said, as Aristotle observed, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Hygiene, grooming and stories go a long, long way because someone searching for a true partner is more likely to move past a photo and actually read one’s profile.
> Most people are average in every way
It bears reminding. Sometimes we forget the math. Logic portends that you will end up with an average partner who isn’t average in your eyes.
> Interesting people read
The written word evokes trust. Humor prompts engagement. Most men move quickly through profile photos. Women stop at nice head shots and, if they like what they see, they read.
Perhaps most importantly, prospective partners want to believe what you write. They want to believe you’re a good, curious, intelligent, funny person and they will until you give them a reason not to.
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THE RULES
No two people are alike. Each should be treated with respect — as a unique, precious human being.
> Rule #1: All people want the truth
Describe yourself accurately. Forget about what you think a prospective partner might want, beside facts. Tell the truth about everything that is measurable. Use recent, accurate photos.
> Rule #2: All people want honesty
Beyond the facts, there is a fundamental desire to get to know as much about you as possible, without going overboard. Tell a cute story, not a life story. Be honest about your interior — and your interior isn’t built around facts.
> Rule #3: If you want a cliche life, post a cliche profile
Good stories stand out. If you write about enjoying long walks on the beach, good food, good friends and the desire to share your life, you’re just cattle in a cattle car.
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THE SECRET
Tell the best story of your life — in three sentences — using the following structure:
> Honest: Slightly vulnerable life story beginning with the words I once…
> Truth: Statement that demonstrates one strength in which you take pride, followed by the facts of your life
> Close: Humorous twist relating to your honesty
To be sure, writing the first sentence isn’t easy and you made need help — but remember, it’s about a funny twist. It’s not a resume.
One man’s secret.
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