Screen name: DharmaMechanic

I’m a scammer. So says my wife. Fondly. Ten years ago, I wrote something for my profile on Match.com. No idea what I wrote. Know I told the truth. I’m sure I told a silly story. Once a week, when I drive her a little crazy, she demands that I tear apart my files to find the prose so she can prove I’m a fraud. Fondly.

This essay is for the average person whose search for joy is not average

Physically, I’m a large person. I look like a cross between a biker and a professional wrestler, but the rest of me is average. The dichotomy between my outside and my inside couldn’t be more stark. The guy that some women wanted because of how I look isn’t the guy I am—or want to be. My outside hides the gentle silliness that pervades my soul. Online profile pictures couldn’t capture the real me. My joy requires prose. My joy is not average.

Going for the “no”

Among the most important secrets kept by salespeople is the concept of getting to a rejection quickly so one can move on quickly. The legend of the silver-tongued Svengali who will trick a buyer into doing something they don’t want to do is a myth. Most sales is a numbers game and, while there’s something to be said for charm, most people are astute buyers — and, while looking for a significant other, you should run from the one’s that aren’t.

Being upfront, honest and humorous allows potential partners to quickly eliminate you — or embrace you — which is the absolute best thing that can happen.

Get rejected quickly or embraced energetically. Everything else is time wasted.

The difference between honesty and truth

Honesty exposes a little of one’s soul. It offers insight. Truth, on the other hand, is grounded in facts.

Honesty: In high school, I once brushed my dog’s teeth with my brother’s toothbrush after he put gum in my spaghetti. I told him as he was having his prom pictures taken.

The statement might be true, or at least grounded in some truth about oneself and, even if it’s a story, it offers an honest glimpse into what makes one tick.

Truth: I’m 6’4”, have brown hair and weigh 260 lbs.

I suspect my Match.com profile said something about eventually wanting to own a burrito factory or throw a boomerang around the top of Eiffel tower.

Honesty and truthfulness will save you time if you want a long term, high quality relationship. They do for dating what pesticides do for weeds.

Truths about the dating marketplace

There really is a lid for every pot

As a partner, if you’re earnest, trustworthy and can listen, you can find love. All the other factors will take care of themselves if one is both honest and truthful.

To be sure, money matters — and don’t let a prospective partner tell you any different — but one doesn’t need to be a millionaire, just a reliable earner. Looks, not surprisingly, matter to most people and, while they contend that men are superficial, don’t be fooled. This boomerang lands at each genders’s feet. That said, as Aristotle observed, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Hygiene, grooming and stories go a long, long way because someone searching for a true partner is more likely to move past a photo and actually read one’s profile.

Reminder: most people are average in every way

It bears reminding. Sometimes we forget the math. Logic portends that you will end up with an average partner who isn’t average in your eyes.

Interesting people read

The written word evokes trust. Humor prompts engagement. Most men move quickly through profile photos. Women stop at nice head shots and, if they like what they see, they read.

Perhaps most importantly, prospective partners want to believe what you write. — they want to believe you’re a good, curious, intelligent, funny person — and they will until you give them as reason not to.

The Rules

No two people are alike. Each should be treated with respect — as a unique, precious human being.

Rule #1: All people want the truth

Describe yourself accurately. Forget about what you think a prospective partner might want, beside facts. Tell the truth about everything that is measurable. Use recent, accurate photos.

Rule #2: All people want honesty

Beyond the facts, there is a fundamental desire to get to know as much about you as possible, without going overboard. Tell a cute story, not a life story. Be honest about your interior — and your interior isn’t built around facts.

Rule #3: If you want a cliche life, post a cliche profile

Good stories stand out. If you write about enjoying long walks on the beach, good food, good friends and the desire to share your life, you’re just cattle in a cattle car.

The secret

Tell the best story of your life — in three sentences — using the following structure:

Honest: Slightly vulnerable life story beginning with the words I once…
Truth: Statement that demonstrates one strength in which you take pride, followed by the facts of your life
Close: Humorous twist relating to your honesty

To be sure, writing the first sentence isn’t easy and you made need help — but remember, it’s about a funny twist. It’s not a resume.

One man’s secret.

Need words? Make contact.

Portfolio and list of services

Newsletter: Sugary candy for the soul

I don’t teach, preach or sell hard. I do send out silly ten second stories about people, places and things.

November 2022
- Nov 24, 2022 The scroll of Kerouac's soul Nov 24, 2022
October 2022
- Oct 3, 2022 A brother helping me remain in light Oct 3, 2022
September 2022
- Sep 1, 2022 Ten things to never say to a new car salesperson Sep 1, 2022
August 2022
- Aug 1, 2022 The question of an evolving identity made whole by street artists and vandals Aug 1, 2022
July 2022
- Jul 4, 2022 The warmth of knowing my baseball glove is in the sweater drawer Jul 4, 2022
June 2022
- Jun 2, 2022 Sonny Rollins standing on the bridge in Giverny Jun 2, 2022
May 2022
- May 1, 2022 Sitting in front of forever May 1, 2022
April 2022
- Apr 2, 2022 A temple, a church, a synagogue or an artist’s studio? Apr 2, 2022
March 2022
- Mar 2, 2022 Foghorn Leghorn inside the flower garden of the mind Mar 2, 2022
February 2022
- Feb 6, 2022 My first cup of Tibetan butter tea Feb 6, 2022
January 2022
- Jan 4, 2022 Dancing is better with a corn dog in each hand Jan 4, 2022
December 2021
- Dec 1, 2021 Even Edgar Degas made mistakes Dec 1, 2021
November 2021
- Nov 2, 2021 Running shoes, rhetoric, hyperbole and the dog with the human head Nov 2, 2021
October 2021
- Oct 2, 2021 Still life painting at 36 Via Fondazza Oct 2, 2021
September 2021
- Sep 19, 2021 True creative genius Sep 19, 2021
August 2021
- Aug 17, 2021 "Sometimes you need to just lay on the sidewalk and bleed for a little bit" Aug 17, 2021
July 2021
- Jul 12, 2021 Dozens of worn-out couches in a true art house Jul 12, 2021
June 2021
- Jun 14, 2021 Daft Punk Frida Jun 14, 2021
May 2021
- May 17, 2021 Eating cake in a cemetery May 17, 2021
April 2021
- Apr 8, 2021 Mindfulness, meditation, a drum circle and the yellow doves of Mount Airy Apr 8, 2021
March 2021
- Mar 9, 2021 That diner in Brighton Mar 9, 2021
February 2021
- Feb 17, 2021 Tibet via North Philadelphia Feb 17, 2021
January 2021
- Jan 11, 2021 Bukowski is family Jan 11, 2021
December 2020
- Dec 23, 2020 Mindfulness, meditation, parking meters, poems, love notes and library books Dec 23, 2020
November 2020
- Nov 16, 2020 Six tongues and the sugar face Nov 16, 2020
October 2020
- Oct 20, 2020 Tequila, cops and grace Oct 20, 2020
September 2020
- Sep 25, 2020 Feeling the machinery Sep 25, 2020
August 2020
- Aug 17, 2020 The futile fury of a final letter Aug 17, 2020
July 2020
- Jul 4, 2020 It all begins with the word Jul 4, 2020
June 2020
- Jun 19, 2020 Hate in the abstract. Love in the specific. Jun 19, 2020
May 2020
- May 19, 2020 Dirty hands drawing a circle May 19, 2020
April 2020
- Apr 19, 2020 A singularity built from many pieces Apr 19, 2020
- Apr 14, 2020 Resurgent feelings and the Bowery's Blitzkrieg Bopper Apr 14, 2020
- Apr 5, 2020 Channeling my inner Iggy for the third time Apr 5, 2020
March 2020
- Mar 24, 2020 A golden eagle's echo will carry forever Mar 24, 2020
February 2020
- Feb 21, 2020 Seven crappy poems Feb 21, 2020
- Feb 11, 2020 Words from the white space Feb 11, 2020
- Feb 5, 2020 Bursting between the beasts Feb 5, 2020
January 2020
- Jan 30, 2020 Mindfulness, meditation and the Yah-Yah contraption figure Jan 30, 2020
- Jan 22, 2020 The Beastie Boys, potato salad, the number 12 and a phone call from a Buddhist monk Jan 22, 2020
- Jan 16, 2020 Mindfulness, meditation, nevermindishness and nothingness Jan 16, 2020
- Jan 8, 2020 Glibquip Jan 8, 2020
- Jan 6, 2020 DeSoi versus Hemingway Jan 6, 2020
- Jan 5, 2020 Hating happy cats Jan 5, 2020
December 2019
- Dec 31, 2019 Baked beans and ice cream Dec 31, 2019
- Dec 27, 2019 Zen and the little blue box Dec 27, 2019
- Dec 20, 2019 About the power of symbols Dec 20, 2019
- Dec 13, 2019 Obscure references lend credibility, especially when you make them up Dec 13, 2019
- Dec 9, 2019 Three fingers tickling the air Dec 9, 2019
- Dec 5, 2019 Sunday dinner at the DiGiulios Dec 5, 2019
November 2019
- Nov 26, 2019 One man's silly secret to writing an online dating profile Nov 26, 2019
- Nov 20, 2019 Burning man at Burning Man Nov 20, 2019
- Nov 18, 2019 A didgeridoo full of goo Nov 18, 2019
- Nov 16, 2019 Two thousand words from the future Nov 16, 2019
- Nov 14, 2019 Every scar is cool Nov 14, 2019
- Nov 12, 2019 Daily affirmations and anonymous encouragement taped to the back of a stop sign Nov 12, 2019
- Nov 10, 2019 Willem de Kooning’s women have jacked-up teeth Nov 10, 2019
- Nov 8, 2019 Flames, bikers, bras, jaws, Jack, Lemmy and liquor Nov 8, 2019
- Nov 6, 2019 I met a German vegetarian in an Italian butcher shop Nov 6, 2019
- Nov 4, 2019 Art + money + object = fetish Nov 4, 2019
- Nov 2, 2019 Ferried on the fingertip wings of an angel Nov 2, 2019
October 2019
- Oct 31, 2019 Cyclops @ night Oct 31, 2019
- Oct 29, 2019 Nietzsche was wrong about almost everything Oct 29, 2019
- Oct 27, 2019 A singular reason to hate social media Oct 27, 2019
- Oct 25, 2019 Mindfulness, meditation, chance and The Village Vanguard Oct 25, 2019
- Oct 23, 2019 Umbilical Oct 23, 2019
- Oct 21, 2019 The curve of a single elegant line Oct 21, 2019
- Oct 19, 2019 Five Boro Flamingo Oct 19, 2019
- Oct 17, 2019 Mistress and wife to the same musician Oct 17, 2019
- Oct 15, 2019 A python named Tom and a Toyota test drive Oct 15, 2019
- Oct 13, 2019 Sweetie pie and the sugary fire Oct 13, 2019
- Oct 9, 2019 A great artist doesn't need to leave a single great artwork in his wake Oct 9, 2019
- Oct 7, 2019 Eleven effective ways to control the tempo of negotiations with a car salesperson Oct 7, 2019
September 2019
- Sep 28, 2019 What to expect from the dealer trade vehicle evaluation Sep 28, 2019
- Sep 24, 2019 Three stories being told at once Sep 24, 2019
August 2019
- Aug 24, 2019 Thirty years away from the Blues Aug 24, 2019
July 2019
- Jul 22, 2019 Ten hours in Madrid Jul 22, 2019
- Jul 11, 2019 When life slows down to let you take a look Jul 11, 2019
- Jul 6, 2019 The Buddhist Manager Jul 6, 2019
- Jul 2, 2019 The perfect, hopeful, subversive headbanger Jul 2, 2019
June 2019
- Jun 27, 2019 Scribbleheads Jun 27, 2019
- Jun 24, 2019 Myth of the Knotdog Jun 24, 2019
- Jun 19, 2019 Dream of the Zen Blue Hat Jun 19, 2019
- Jun 16, 2019 Sleeping dogs and the power of forgiveness Jun 16, 2019
- Jun 12, 2019 Skate Hog Jun 12, 2019
- Jun 9, 2019 I type with two middle fingers Jun 9, 2019
- Jun 5, 2019 Hillbillies love Salvador Dali Jun 5, 2019
- Jun 1, 2019 The single most important thing a prospective Fordham University parent needs to know Jun 1, 2019
May 2019
- May 31, 2019 The accidental copywriter May 31, 2019
- May 28, 2019 Five 70s albums every Millennial should listen to this weekend May 28, 2019
- May 15, 2019 Five secrets to writing a moving love letter May 15, 2019